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No Ordinary Love with Jackie and Doug Christie brought to us by FacinatingAuthors dot com  No Ordinary Love
Jackie: We’ve been talking about it for a few years now, and with Doug playing basketball and us going all around, we wanted to wait until we had a chance to sit down and put our thoughts to paper and really figure out what message we wanted to send and also what tips we could offer to make it an inspirational book. A lot of people thought our first book would be a tell-all, and we decided we would definitely tell them all, but tell them how to share what we have.
Penny: What do you hope that people learn from your book?
Doug: I hope that they see and learn what makes a strong marriage, and the things that you can do today in this hustle-bustle environment: that you can still be committed, still love each other, still respect each other and at the end of the day, raise a family and do something positive with your life.
Penny: Being in the limelight, and with as much traveling as both of you do, you both face considerable challenges. How do keep your marriage strong?
Jackie: We made a vow to each other that we uphold at all costs, and we put each other first. Our family is most important to us as is the bond of our marriage. We have a tradition that we started when we first got married 12 years ago - we get married every year, and that’s a way to recommit to each other, recommit to our marriage and tell each other we love each other more this year than we did the last year. We’re going to do that for the rest of our lives. Just building in your own personal traditions, loving each other, respecting each other, respecting yourself and putting the other person’s feelings first is the way we keep our marriage strong.
Penny: That’s a really interesting and unique tradition to get married every year, but it makes a lot of sense because I think we live, as Doug said, in such a hustle-bustle world that people don’t take the time to recommit their love to one another.
Doug: It’s a special time when we get remarried again, because we can look in each other’s eyes and enjoy each other. We still see that spark, and that fire, and it’s another time to have fun with each other.
Penny: And as you said, Jackie, about putting each other first, we live in such a culture where everything else is first but the person that we’re committed to.
Jackie: That’s right. And with marriages being at an all-time low of staying together, we definitely see that we have something special. You have to also be prepared to take hits because it’s not considered cool in today’s society if you stay married and remain faithful. It’s better to trade in your mate, or, if it doesn’t work, or you have a slight disagreement, well, “we’ll just get a divorce and I’ll find someone new.” There’s no stability in that and it’s special to be able to stay together and make it year after year.
Penny: When you talk about how the media probably expected you to write a tell-all, have you found that the media has started to treat you both differently, better maybe, since you published this book?
Jackie: Oh most definitely, honey.
Penny: Really?
Jackie: They are so much better. It’s exciting that they have changed their whole tune, and it’s a wonderful thing.
Doug: My wife told me that when you write a book, people respond to you differently, and now I have to agree. I think now that they can read it in their own time, at their own home, they really get what we’re trying to say so they’re not judging us as harshly.
Jackie: And it’s funny, because a lot of the media are asking, can you give us some tips, can you give us some ideas, how can I have that? They even write us letters of apology because they chose to go down that road of negativity and believe the rumors.
Penny: One of the concepts I really took from your book is that you have made commitment cool.
Jackie: That’s what we were hoping for. We set out just to love each other, and then we’ve seen how much backlash came from it. We thought writing a book was such a beautiful experience for us, and now other people will understand. Each day it took nine, 10, 12, 14 hours to sit down and write it, and the finished product is like a child to us. We love it that much. And we know that the message in it is clear, it’s from our hearts, and it’s our lives that we are able to share. Now people write to us or call us, or tell us on the street, Doug’s peers in the NBA or different people, “Oh I got your book and I love it” or “Me and my wife read it together.” It’s just so uplifting.
Penny: That’s fantastic. So this book has really reached the people that you wanted it to reach.
Doug: No question. I think it’s far surpassed that. Because it’s touched so many people in so many ways. Like my wife just said, we’ll be walking down the street or appear on the radio and all of a sudden people are making comments. Then we realize, “wow, they really got it” and that’s what you want. That’s special
Penny: The thing that I really loved about your book is that we do live in a fairly blasé society when it comes to commitment, and I think that many of the celebrities our young people look up to aren’t really great role models for commitment. Now you have come out and upped the ante for everybody, which is fantastic.
Jackie: In this society you have to say, “okay we’re going to stand for something. We’re going to do it differently, and we’re going to take hits, but we just have to be ready for it, if we believe in something so pure as marriage.” He’s my best friend and I enjoy spending my life with him, and we tell people in the book it’s not going to be perfect, but it’s as perfect as you are willing to make it - by being committed and working through any misunderstandings. That’s where communication comes in. We have a whole chapter on communication. You have to sit down and put your pride and your fear aside and talk to your mate. You have to tell them what you’re feeling and not put on a façade that everything is okay and keep it inside. That’s what I think a lot of marriages suffer from, the lack of communication.
Doug: That’s a big one because it’s something that I attribute to my wife more than anything. I think we have both improved as communicators, but my wife showed me at the very beginning that this is a very big staple. The fact that we attacked it together, and we continue to, gives us so many opportunities to be better, to love one another, and to understand one another.
Penny: Are you always learning new ways to communicate with one another?
Doug: Yes, because the longer you’re together you have your verbal communication, as well as your non-verbal communication, which you learn by being around them. You still have to open your mouth and talk to them, though, because sometimes you might read it wrong and not understand that I’m not mad because of that reason, or I’m feeling down, or I’m happy, or whatever it is. You communicate verbally, and you can see it with your eyes at the same time.
Jackie: A lot of times people say, “you can finish his sentences,” and it’s literally true. I’ll be thinking of something to eat, or I’ll be thinking of something for us to do, and he’ll say, “that’s funny, I was thinking the same thing.” It’s not something that may happen overnight, but if you’re willing to put in the time, it can happen in six months, two years, three years. We’ve had it a long time and it just keeps getting better and better. Some days I might have issues with one of our businesses or whatever, but if you can communicate with your mate, you can go and sit down and talk with them and they can make it a brighter day and offer different suggestions. We’re in everything together, we do it all as a team. So if it’s something that I’m doing, he can take over and I can go rest, so it’s a handoff. It’s 50/50 on everything with me and Doug.
Penny: There are theories on marriage that state your mate can’t be everything for you. Do you agree with that?
Doug: I don’t agree with that. I think that person needs to be everything to you. You’re going to have life experiences, but if you do it together, you work through it together. A marriage is sacred, and you have to keep it that way.
Jackie: I agree with my husband 100%, but at the same time, I know what you mean. What we’re saying is: Doug still has his life. I still have my life. He does basketball, he does guy things. If he’s not home schooling our children, or down on the court working out or doing guy stuff around here, I’m in here on the computer or doing our business, or running around doing errands, or I go to the spa or the nail shop. We still have our separate things, but as far as my best friend, my husband, my confidante, all of the different things that you would want a person to be to you, Doug is for me, and I would hope that I’m the same to him. That’s what we mean by putting your mate first. They have to be everything to you if you want that lifelong bond and commitment. If you talk to people who’ve been married 60, 70 years, 50 years, they’ll tell you, “we’ve been together since we were little kids. And she’s been my best friend my whole life. She’s everything to me.”
Doug: Yes, we still do things with our friends, for example, but my wife is and can be everything to me at any particular time, and I am the same for her.
Penny: I think you have such a healthy balance because you do have your outside interests, but the core of your life is still your mate and I think that’s important.
Jackie: That’s right. It’s definitely the foundation and the whole center of it all. Your kids see that and it gives them a sense of stability that their parents love each other, and they’re learning something different, especially in our world, where we both grew up with single-parent households. Our children can see what they want when they grow up - if I want a mate, or to be a husband or wife, I want to treat them special and put them first. Just because we didn’t have it doesn’t mean we can’t give it to our kids.
Penny: You’re setting such a great example for them. Now, when you first met was this something that you both knew you wanted to create, this amazing relationship, or was it something you sort of grew into?
Jackie: My whole life I wanted the white picket fence and the nice home, but as you grow up you realize that’s not reality. Once I met Doug I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. It started evolving immediately that I was going to dedicate myself to him and try to make a very happy environment for him. They say you can’t make another person happy, but I was sure going to try for the rest of my life. I do it every day, ask “what can I do to make your life even more happy and fun and interesting and good,” and that’s the way that I live my life with him.
Penny: That’s incredible. Any final tips that you want to share with people on how to strengthen your marriage or maybe how to enhance communication?
Jackie: I would just say that in books, not just our book, there is a wealth of information. Sit down and read, and also read together the different examples and antidotes on strengthening marriage. Communication is always going to be the key. They’re all going to tell you to sit down and talk things through and put your mate first. Start there, start with small steps and work through it. Definitely put communication first and put your mate first and respect yourself and you’ll be fine.
Penny: Since you had such a fantastic experience with this book, do you have plans for a future book?
Jackie: Yes, I’m actually writing “She Diva” right now. It’s an inspirational book for women. It will have tips on beauty, everything, it’s all for women, and Doug is writing one for men.
Doug: Yes, on basketball, athletics, keeping yourself in shape, and just the mindset of trying to be a man and faithful and committed in this day and age.
Penny: You are doing some amazing work. Thank you both for spending some time with me and for being such an inspiration.
Jackie and Doug: Thank you so much for interviewing us.
Penny: The Christie’s website is http://www.infinitelovepublishing.com, and their book is No Ordinary Love. |
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